Standing Still

I haven't "blogged" in a while.
I've tried. I've written a few things I thought sounded "kinda good," however, I started this blog to be honest about where I am in my life and what is new to me...
I could put a hundred "good" posts here, but the reality is I haven't written because
what is new to me is?

Hormones and baby blues.

Man, I can't say I've experienced anything like this. I'm generally a very steady person. I don't tend to swing to extremes, I don't get my feelings hurt easily and wouldn't describe myself as sensitive; until now.
I'll save you my whining and complaining and get to the heart of my main issue and why I'm having such a difficult time.

My issue is standing still.

I am a fixer. I literally believe in the core of my being that I can fix anything. That I can "make anything happen." Maybe I watched too many after school specials growing up, or maybe it's coming from two strong-willed, independent parents, but that's me.
Phrases like:
"When the going gets tough, the tough get going."
"The Lord helps those, who help them self."
are etched into the crevasses of my brain.

What is new to me is a verse I read about two weeks ago, but in my post- pardum brain just clicked today.
Exodus 14:14- "THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU, YOU NEED ONLY BE STILL." (Or some translations say Be Silent.- either way both are difficult!)

What didn't click til today is that being still is not doing nothing. Standing still is an ACTION. It takes a lot of concentration and focus to stand still, especially for this fixer!

In Exodus 14 the Israelites had come to the Red Sea and Pharaoh's Army had "chased" after them. As they stood at the river and saw his army approaching they lost it. They turned on Moses and blamed him for leading them to their death. Their "fix" would have been to return to slavery! How short sighted and how small was their god! This same GOD HAD JUST sent 10 plagues through Egypt demonstrating His power, but Fear set in and they were choosing SLAVERY. The very thing they had been begging delivery from for almost 400 years!
Thankfully, God had the voice of Moses to tell the people to "Fear Not! Stand by and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish for you today..." And then God told them to go forward. Into the Sea, which He parted for them. They crossed and watched as Pharaoh and his army were destroyed.

It is so easy to read this scripture and identify with Moses. To say- "how stupid are the Israelites!" But- REALITY CHECK! I'm the Israelite! I'm the stupid one trying to "fix" things myself. I'm the one loosing sight of the power and deliverance of my God. He doesn't make it difficult for us. We just have to get ourselves out of the way. I have to get myself out of the way!

Lord, give me the strength to stop fixing things and the power to stand still.

The Loss of Lucy

A couple months ago my friend Chermonica rescued a kitten but was unable to keep her in her apartment. We live in the country and while I would never call myself a "cat person," I am all about having a cat to keep away snakes and mice.

My daughter Macie was so excited and took to her right away. She named her "Lucy."

Lucy's black hair and bright green eyes reminded me of Halloween and I hoped that Lucy wouldn't grow to be short for Lucifer!

My fears were never realized. Lucy grew up to be a great cat. She came when called and stayed close to the house.

She was also a good source of responsibility for Macie. She was in charge of feeding her every day. Macie grew quite attached to her and would ask to go out on the front porch and hold her no less than three times a day.

Arriving home from church Wednesday night I turned to enter our drive way and I saw a small black shadow on the road. Motionless. And I knew.

Luckily, Macie was in the other vehicle and I took her inside and left Josh outside. Our sweet neighbor's son was already on his way with "buriel supplies" because they had seen her first and were trying to remove her before Macie saw.

I came inside and waited for Josh and then explained to Macie that there had been an accident and that Lucy had died. I expected Macie to cry and be upset. I did not expect what happened.

My four year old WEPT. She wept for over 45 minutes. She cried out that she "loved Lucy," over and over again. At one point I heard her crying, but didn't see her right away. When I found her she was sitting in the kitchen floor. In her arms was the bag of cat food. As she rocked the cat food back and forth and stroked the picture of the cat of the front, I held back the urge to grab my camera! It was so pitiful! And Sweet! And TOTALLY Macie! She looked up at me with red eyes and a tear stained face and said "It breaks my heart that Lucy died."
Talk about breaking MY HEART!

What was completely NEW to me was the question that then came.
"Mommy, why did Lucy have to die?"

This is the question that came out over and over again from my four year old... "Why?"

I thought, "where did she learn to ask that?"

But, she didn't learn it. She was born with it.
We all are. Our spirits know that death is not part of the plan!

Death isn't Natural. We were never made for it. We were made to live as eternal beings in the garden with our Father. Our hearts, just like my poor Macie's aren't meant to handle the weight and that is why they break.

It all started with one man...
"Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned—" Romans 5:12

But thankfully God did not leave us there!

"For if by the transgression of the one, death reigned through the one, much more those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ." Romans 5:17

Aren't you so grateful for HOPE! Hope in what is beyond this world! I love the way Paul says it.

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God."Romans 5:1

The Loss of Lucy has reminded me about the Hope I have beyond this world! I pray that this "life lesson" will also help lead Macie to that same hope!

In the meantime, however, if you come over you'll have to meet Taylor... our new kitty!

"I'm so Excited! I'm so... scared!!!"

"I'm so excited! I'm so... scared!!!"
If you are in my generation and grew up watching TV on Saturday mornings then you may recognize those words.
If you are not from my generation or if you were like my husband and grew up watching "Walker, Texas Ranger" and nothing else because you had only two channels, I will catch you up.
Those lines are from a very intense Jessie Spano in a thought provoking episode from the popular 90's TV show, "Saved by the Bell." In this episode Jessie chose to walk a path that many have walked. You see, Jesse was obsessively studying for her SAT's. In the midst of her studying she, Kelly, and Lisa had begun a singing group and were sitting on what could be "their big break." In an effort to try and juggle those two major tasks as well as a few others, Jesse turned to Caffeine pills. It was in her bedroom one night before heading to perform that Zach confronted Jesse about her addiction.
I have the youtube video below so that you can get the full picture.



I now find myself in the same proverbial boat that Jesse did. I can understand her excitement and fear.

I am an addict.

It all started so innocently. My friend Katie said, "Hey Crystal! Take a look at this!" And, like so many others, one look was all it took.
My drug?

Pinterest!

I love it! And like all addictions it has taken me farther than I ever expected. I have become a craft fiend! I have lost sleep, skipped meals, and ignored my household chores.
Instead, in the past week I have sewn, decoupaged, hot glued, and re-purposed with a vengeance.

Not only that, but like most addicts who go to far I have turned to dealing! I don't go anywhere that I don't talk about my new obsession and all the crafting that has followed.

So let me share with you now but, I warn you the following pictures may be too much to handle. They are a few examples of my recent craft rampage. You have been warned.

Table I re-purposed! Spray paint and modge podge.

New Hair clip flowers I've been making!
My old High Chair from when I was little- Before

After!

All these ideas and so many more I found inspiration for on Pintrest!

What about you? Any good pins?